IX

This zine, made back in 2014, is a collection of my favorite lines from Apollo’s Glare, a book a friend wrote.

Click/Tap the edges to turn the pages. For mobile users, you can rotate your phone 90° (landscape) for bigger and better viewing.

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Apollo’s Glare was written by my Tumblr friend, mistakeofgrandeur (or atleast that was her Tumblr handle then). I’m ashamed to admit that I had forgotten her real name. I had asked for it once but we never really called each other anything in our exchange of messages. I can’t even remember how we met and how we came to connect on such a deep level.

We would share the most intimate things that our conversations would always feel like therapy sessions. And being thousands of miles away from one another, with no knowledge of each other’s basic information, background, and physical appearance, it felt safe to divulge secrets and insecurities. There was no deceitful outer shell that needed to be uncovered; we were spilling ourselves through every letter typed. It was like we both longed to be heard, but were scared to be judged. I don’t know how we found each other amidst millions of users, but I know that our friendship ended as naturally as it started.

She had a Scribd account where she sells writings and I’m not sure (I really have poor memory) but I think she sent me a copy of Apollo’s Glare to ask for my opinion. And I loved it enough to make an artwork out of it.

Every chapter struck me; It was as if I was reading my own mind, but a more poetic version with better vocabulary. Reading it was like looking through a brooding soul. If you let yourself be consumed, you’ll also be wandering aimlessly in a field of self-doubt where a storm of feelings will slowly rain down and you’ll find yourself drowning in the flood of your own questionable existence.

If anyone knows about mistakeofgrandeur or has read Apollo’s Glare, I hope you’d be kind enough to let me know how I can reach her. I lost my Tumblr accounts, I don’t know her Scribd username and all I can remember is that her real name starts with ‘E’ and is probably “Ella” or something similar. Please email me. I’d really love to read more of her works.

Words by
mistakeofgrandeur
Photos by
Aryann Avenido & Nine Avenido
Modeled by
Andrea Genota